Monthly Archives: November 2012

Turnaround Tuesday

So I woke up sometime before dawn on Tuesday, July 24th from my all-too-short slumber on the couch with a powerful need to visit the bathroom. For the next half hour I was quite annoyed as well as very uncomfortable, because I had happily avoided the “constipation” symptom throughout the whole pregnancy and was quite disappointed for it to rear its head now and be so difficult to resolve. Well… then I noticed some murky fluid splash on the bathroom floor during one of my dozen or so trips from the couch to the bathroom to the bed to the bathroom to the… you get the picture.”That’s not clear,” I said to myself and went to wake up the Fardreamer.

Waking up the Fardreamer from a dead sleep is a very difficult task. Grunting replies do not constitute speech nor are guarantees of having been understood, and mobility is not a sign of proper cognitive activity. So while I was in the bathroom giving him instructions on what to text to E&V, there was a disconnect. My midwife had given me instructions on when to notify them and what they wanted to hear about, so I tried my best to follow their guidelines. I was very concerned with not setting anything in motion before its time. I didn’t want to be “that mom” who calls and says “Oh my goodness, get here NOW because, um, you know… I think I had a contraction.” I didn’t want to cry wolf. But on the other hand, I thought the notification was an unspoken bargain – You tell us when you water breaks… and we’ll come over. You tell us you’re in transition… and we’ll come over. You tell us you have the urge to push… and we’ll come over.

Apparently this was not exactly true. I was sitting in the bathroom, bearing down with the power of a freight train, and I knew the Fardreamer had sent them texts saying her water broke, she feels like she’s constipated (to which E replied that it feels that way to most moms but it’s really the baby descending and getting pushed), the amniotic fluid is murky and not clear. He told me he did and he was receiving replies. Time went by, enough time – in my mind – for them to have arrived already. Why aren’t they here? I want them here. I want answers. Is this fluid an ok kind of not clear, or is it bad? I wanted this to be real. I had waited so long for this to be real, but if they’re not here then it’s still just the same old braxton hicks as before, the birth machine has not yet started, it’s not real yet. I didn’t want to do this by myself. I wanted my story to be like the other stories I had heard, the ones where E came and set up shop and there was companionship, guidance, and afterwards it seemed like the whole thing had the air of being a party, a real true birth day party no matter what sort of lows or dark times happened along the way. I wanted to be a part of that. So why wasn’t she on her way? Why wasn’t she here already? I am holding up my end of the bargain, or at least I think I am. Maybe she doesn’t think I’m ready yet. Maybe it still needs more time to be real. Ok, I’ll keep waiting, maybe she just hit all the lights red…

Continue reading

Advertisements